community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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