I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
