How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
