I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
