Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
