i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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