I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
