So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
