I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
