hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
He is an equal opportunity slut.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Randomize
