she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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