cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Randomize
