hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
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my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
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He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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