You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
