is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize
