come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
