I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
