I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
