I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
