i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
