That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
