Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
