Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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