If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
