So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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