maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
