so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
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Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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