Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
