I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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