This girl is more easily done than said...
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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