She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Jerry, you need to find god
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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