Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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