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I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
We have started to decorate penises.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
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