I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I just saw the nastiest chick.
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
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I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
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I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.