Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Randomize
