Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(303): View more from Colorado

We took shots in honor of Shark Week.

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(310): View more from California

u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.

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(630): View more from Illinois

I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.

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(240): View more from Maryland

I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.

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21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
Read it at the TFLN blog
(240): View more from Maryland

I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.

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(214): View more from Texas

What do you think it is?

(615): View more from Tennessee

It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.

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(203): View more from Connecticut

its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin

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(757): View more from Virginia

he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.

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(609): View more from New Jersey

You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...

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