you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I want to make a zoo with you.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
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So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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