Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
