honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
