She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
