his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
