So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
