I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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