i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
