i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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