So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
