Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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