I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
