We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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