just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
