Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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