some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
We had sex on a dog bed..
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
