Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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