So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
