Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Randomize
