Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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