im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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