I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
